Blog Entry 012
If you are subscribed to me, you are probably wondering why I posted so much in one day? I made a vow to myself with the new year that I would write every day. I want to keep that promise to myself, for I believe writing is a skill you must sharpen every day to get better.
Sometimes my entries will be stories, sometimes more like diary entries, and sometimes they’ll be lessons in my writings. Today I wanted to talk about my thoughts on how to deal with someone who doesn’t like you. This could be a coworker, classmate, church member, family member, or any situation where you are paired with a person or persons who just don’t like you.
First, it is a bitter pill to swallow, but we all have to accept the fact that not everyone is going to like us, no matter what we do. And it sucks, believe me. I’ve tried everything I can to be kind to people before, I even had a heart-to-heart with them about being friends, and sometimes it has no effect on the way they see you.
So what do you do in a situation like this? Well, for starters you can always try asking acknowledging and asking why the person(s) doesn’t like you. The dialogue could go something like this: “Hey, I noticed that whenever I am around you, I feel tension between us. Is there something that I did to make you not like me?” – it can be that simple. Sometimes this opens up a conversation to fix any misunderstanding you and/or the other person has, and perhaps you can even gain an acquaintance or friend this way.
However, if you don’t feel comfortable having that dialogue, or you know why they don’t like you, you do not have to confront them about any tension. With that said, if they are treating you poorly, belittling you, or messing with you mentally in anyway, you have the right to confront them about it. For example, you can start the dialogue like this: “I’ve noticed you’ve been talking down to me (or getting short with me, or *insert appropriate wording for the situation here*), and I though you don’t have to like me, you do have to treat me with courtesy. I do not talk to you disrespectfully, and I expect the same. We have to learn to coexist.” I understand this sounds very bold to say to someone who doesn’t like you; however, consider the situation. In my case, I am 28 years old. I am a yoga teacher, homeowner, college graduate, wife, and could possibly be someone’s mother one day. No one is going to advocate or stand-up for you except for you. Self-respect and setting boundaries is healthy, and knowing when we are being treated less than what we deserve is a big part of being mentally healthy and balanced.
Let’s say they don’t respond well to that and continue to treat you poorly? Well, you can say you’ve honestly tried everything before going to someone of a higher authority, such as an HR person, a manager, a professor, a principal, a parent (if you’re younger), or even a mutual friend you both share. While some people may view this as tattle-telling, I am here to tell you that is utter ridiculousness. Your voice is meant to be heard, and your peace of mind, self-esteem, mental health and self-respect are worth fighting for.
So you’ve done all of the above, and nothing has changed. You have some options: 1) You can leave the narrative completely by quitting your job, transferring out of class, leaving the group and going somewhere else, etc.; or 2) You stand your ground around this person and rise above. Give no shit but take no shit. You have a right to stay where you are regardless of what this person is doing to make it a less than an ideal experience. Always take the high road when talking to them, but if you notice a rude tone in their voice, don’t cower to them, but maintain your power.
Please remember that just because someone doesn’t like you doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. When people are cruel, mean or rude, it is because they are going through something and has little to do with you. If you don’t fit into their idea of how you should be, that’s their problem. Perhaps you bring out something in them that they do not want to deal with. Regardless, it is not your fault nor is it your responsibility to make anyone like you. You are a light in this world, and you should never dim your light to make others feel better about themselves. You’ll be damned (and I’ll be damned) if you let anyone treat you less than what you are worth.
Love and light,