Blog Entry 011
Good morning loves,
Today is a good day. Why do you ask? Well it is Thursday, and almost time for me to partake in the Daniel Fast that Gateway church is doing starting on Sunday, January 14th.
Why am I excited to fast? Well, I had an epiphany today. I realized that the one thing I desire MOST in this world is to listen to my soul. That’s a weird revelation to have, right? Hear me out and I will tie it in at the end…
I have grown up always wanting to please and make everyone happy majority of the time. This was a way I kept peace in my life and a way to keep peace with others.
I lived majority of my life on the safe side. I never burnt bridges, was always kind to everyone, always took the road most traveled, and never did anything risky.
The first big decision I ever made for myself was when I was 20 years old, the year was 2009. I had decided to attend the University of Texas at Austin instead of going to a more local university where I would commute from home. I understand you’re probably thinking, “Most kids go away to college,” and I never had anyone tell me I couldn’t go, but I did have people tell me it would be much more expensive that it was, and I thought about how much easier it would be to not get an apartment, deal with student loans, save everyone the stress of moving me to a new city, etc.
What changed my mind on the whole concept was when I stumbled upon a blog post someone wrote about how grateful they were to have gone to college in a big city, and how they went through a complete metamorphosis by living on their own. After I read the entire entry, something inside of me screamed, “You have to do this!” At this point I had already been accepted to UT, but I was on the fence because I had a full ride to a college closer to home, so I tabled the idea for the time being.
As I was debating on attending UT, my 1997 Mazda Miata Convertible was rear-ended. I was fine, but so distraught my first car I ever had was totaled. I had so many fond memories with friends, boys, and just driving with the top down on warm summer nights. I still really miss that car.
Within the next day or so after the accident happening, we went to a used car lot in Arlington and had no luck finding a new car for me. A week and a half later, I was getting so upset because the rental care allowance from the insurance company was running out (they only give you so much time). In the interim of all this stress and uncertainty taking place, I was praying to God for some sort of sign to tell me which college to go to.
We received a call from them saying that they had a Honda CRV (which was what I had been looking for) that wasn’t even on the lot yet and available for us to look at.
My parents and I immediately drove down there, and as I walked into their off-site garage, I saw this beautiful, green, 2000 Honda CRV (with a wheel on the back of it, which was my selling point). The next thing I noticed almost instantly was the HUGE, orange Texas Longhorn sticker on the back of the wheel and a little silver Longhorn car emblem next to the license plate.
Immediately I thought about how I had been desperately praying for a sign, and how I would usually rationalize this as a coincidence, but this time I took it for what I believed it was: a clear sign from God. After that, I looked at my mom with a sigh of relief and I said, “I’m going to UT. I have been praying for a sign, and this is it. We will make it work.” Then I told my dad, and he said, “No you aren’t?” And I said, “Yes, I am. It’ll work out.”
I contribute the article I read and the UT Longhorn sticker on the back of my car as a sign that it was meant to be. And guess what? It wasn’t easy, but it was so worth it.
Now, all my loans have been paid off, and I am working in a great industry. I am so grateful I listened to my soul at that moment in my life, and I’ve decided I am going to make a conscious effort to listen to it from now on. If I am unsure of what my soul wants, I will consciously explore my unconscious to figure out what I am needing.
Am I needing to have more experiences? To stand up for myself? To take an artistic risk?
I am 29 in March, and I’ve come to realize that I need to start living for me, and stop worrying about what others will think or apologizing for it if it doesn’t fit the mold of what society says.
Love and light,