I try to read for my health, but mostly I feel compelled to write. I am a day dreamer who wants to write down all of my dreams and thoughts to you, hoping to articulate my feelings to where they tarry with you, and hopefully leave a lasting impression.
Today I got to thinking about love. I know I wrote a post on “Unconditional Love” a few days ago, but I mean the “L-O-V-E” everyone writes about. When you love your high school sweetheart, is that love if you break up in a year or two? Was it ever love at all if you two didn’t make it to your nuptials? We always say, “someone will come along who is better, and make you thankful none of the others worked out.” I don’t agree with that. I believe you should have gratitude and praise for all of your relationships, even the ones that never made it. I think there are many types of love you can feel for someone, and even if they never took you to marriage, they helped mold you in to the person you are today. People marry other people for many different reasons, and sometimes the type love they want isn’t what everyone else experiences when they are married.
I always feel like the kind of love we are taught to look for is that all-consuming love. I recall when Twilight came out, and Bella Swan was so enamored and “in love” with Edward, it was to the point where she was worthless without him. Or the Notebook, where Rachel McAdams character couldn’t stop thinking about Ryan Gosling’s character after seven years, and vice versa. But is this healthy?
In many of our minds, this is the type of love we strive for. It is the type of love that Hollywood produces to the mass public. These ideas that are being portrayed on screen are very influential and shape the minds of many impressionable young girls and women. Typically, these ideas can be carried into their adulthood where they look for this all-consuming love. When they do not find it, they start to question their self-worth, or worse, settle.
This shouldn’t be the standard.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t marry someone that you admire or can’t stop thinking about, (this is usually the infatuation stage anyway), but I am that this type of love doesn’t work well for many, and it certainly didn’t work out for me. I believe you can love someone with your entire being to the point where it is almost paralyzing for you because you give too much of yourself to that person to be the best version of yourself you can be. I wasn’t able to be with someone who I worshipped. I wasn’t able to function as a productive member of society, or be able to evolve in to the person I knew I was meant to (at least start to) become. Ultimately, it didn’t work out because I didn’t like the person I was when I was with this person. It was very hard for me to come to that conclusion, but it was always an underlying emotion I felt and knew.
My point is, the standard shouldn’t be an all-consuming love. It should be a love that you are comfortable with, as long as there is no abuse or adultery.
Other marriages consist of marrying your best friend, and have similar interests with. Some marriages are arranged, which they say are some of the best marriages since you learn to love and respect this person. And other marriages happen because one person needs the companionship.
Whatever it may be, no marriage is right or wrong, as long as there is respect, you like the person you are married to (most days), and you are able to work as a team and strive to be the best version of yourself. Prepare for big storms and rocky roads, but know that you can do anything as long as you and your partner work together.
And guess what, if you don’t want to get married, that’s wonderful too. In fact, if you can work on loving yourself to the best of your ability, you are golden. You can be a wonderful and successful member of society without the “holy matrimony” and still leave your mark on this planet.
God bless and Namaste